Tuesday, August 21, 2007

integrating, moving on, future dreams

When i came back to canada i lapsed into the womb of my consiousness. this created a less than desirable reality that i can't say turned out bad, quite the contrary but was and still is less than desirable. I am learning that i keep putting these neanderthal souls in my face. People who smoke cigarettes and eat red meat and everything else wrong. My conflict seems to be connected to an emotional issue. I still have the two realities. i am understanding more about my diet and how it keys in with my life purpose. I have lost and gained insight and dedication to the diet. One thing is for certain, I can create my own reality with a frightening exactness. so naturally, i am hesitant about what i throw myself into, considering i can create it pretty easily. so that is why i am sitting here in this hotel room in a small town in alberta barely working as an aerial photogrpaher, because of the weather. I am in a very stripped down reality. which is what i seek: to find peace so that i can create what i really want! so the next thing on the agenda is a vipasanna retreat. 10 days of meditation and silence. then 2 weeks in vancouver and then back south. i am glad that my issues seem to take care of themselves as i meditate on them. and my happy true want outcome wins. I measure this progress by looking back into the past and remembering my stuggles. THese struggles are really just programming from the past. but i hold onto them like a trooper. Actually contemplating doing the most onerous tasks out of some mind control programming that i feel obligated toward. I basically put off making decisions until i have a really good gut feeling about it. So i am able to avoid these trouble spots. I am just learning this. Hopefully i can speed this process up and not find myself in these interminably boring places like i am in now. But i went so far out on a limb before that i guess it is the natural rebound that i wind up in the prairies surrounded by nothing. Well at least I am staying on the road.

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