Since you won't be getting a list of “what I ate today” here- how boring can you get, I think it is time to explain my relationship to spirituality.
When I was five years old, I asked my mother, “what is the word for someone who doesn't believe in God?” From then on I was an atheist. I took this stand because my father was such a hypocrite. Religion was one of his topics. He was involved in religion but didn't have a drop of belief in him. He had no faith whatsoever. Once in a while we would all joke about it but mostly my father made our lives hell.
I first fell in love when I was fifteen years old. I realized that there was more to life than my uber pragmatic stand. And tacitly accepted the notion of God. The object of my affection was a pseudo spiritualist, who used his superficial gleaning of occult and religion as justification for acting strange and irresponsible. Science fiction reading also added to early promptings of study and interest with theology, psychology, metaphysics, alternate reality, spiritualism, occult, dreams, shamanism, and reasons why things are the way they are.
I have to give recognition to my dear family friend, Jan, who has graced her beautiful presence in the lives of my godless natal family that most others took a 180 from (including my mother's own natal family). Her fundamentalist charismatic Christianity has been a source of grounding for one of my longest lasting friendships. I would rather engage a fundamentalist in conversation than a secularist any day. At least they are peering through the cracks of perceived reality which is nothing more than rank propaganda. Today in this world there is so much illness, that if one is not consuming garbage that is making them ill and wondering how it all happened or complaining about some fake political issue that has been engineered to throw them off the real issues, or on medication or not and should be, or embroiled in turmoil, then a small miracle has taken place.
The next groundbreaking step I took in spirituality was to revert back to my ideology of childhood. I was fiddling around with all these views in my teens that did not hold water for me, so I just decided to stamp myself an atheist again. That was where I felt secure and convicted. So to the outsider, I am still an atheist because I can't bring myself to say that i am anything else. But I am just as much a fundamentalist Christian.
I just honor the things that are supposed to be good in this world: truth, honesty, dignity, kindness, humility, righteousness, values, morals. What happened to all that stuff? Everyone that I have grown up with and encountered in my life has these qualities as the foundation of their character. I think that the modern secularist or fake spiritualist, has been hoodwinked by mass propaganda into rationalizing away these qualities when they compromise themselves. I have worked against these qualities in my life and haven't found any good of it. For the last few years, I have tried to live by my inner compass and not fight any intellectual ideology in my mind. This trip I am on is an experiment in that.
A good example of useless over intellectualizing waste of lifetimes is the work of the theosophical society. I haven't even studied it at all because it immediately invokes revulsion in my inner being. But just look at their arrogant presumptuousness of choosing an adopted guru/Saviour at birth from some poor East Indian family to represent them ala Dalai Lama style. Is it any wonder this poor child grew into the bitterest “profit/guru/enlightened one” whose final diatribe was, none of it matters? Could it be possible that his upbringing was pure sociological and had nothing to do with divinity? Of course i am talking about Krishamurti.
After all my study of theology and science, the point always comes back to Christ. That is just the way it is. No false profit one will ever refute the teachings of Christ. In fact they take all their teachings from Christ. So as much as it pains me and as much as it pains you, that is the way it is. AND THANK GOD! Because there is nothing wrong with that message.
I have had positive experiences with born again fundamentalist Christians. If I meet someone who has been changed in a dramatic and positive way because of a godly encounter I am enthralled. To me there is no better news from a stranger or an old friend than growth work in personal development. I hear about these right wing Christians in the states that are in reality nothing but ignorant consumers but I have never met any (except maybe recently in Williams Valley AZ). Maybe because I declared myself an atheist so early on, I don't have any deep conflicts with the whole Christianity thing. And the people I have met that are true Christians are the best people in my view.
So what does any of this have to do with raw foods. Well, the raw food movement is like a religion. Some people adopt it as so and I will count myself in. I was happy about that at first because I had never had a religion. I knew that people in religious movements had support in times of trouble, aid in getting work and contracts, and lots of social interaction. It was part of the stuff I had to renounce for the sake of personal freedom to keep me out of the trappings of being born into a family of government/mind controlled guinea pigs. So for me to finally believe in something enough to participate at that level was great. My ideal was upheld until I met my familial archetype within the movement: happy oasis. Happy and Tracy (road trip from hell: previous post) are archetypes of my sister Ruth who has dealt with mental illness since she was 16 years old.
So it may seem that I am lucky or free or irresponsible but the opposite is true. I am simply operating on faith. I have been since I started this trip. So when I encounter people who remind me of my usual archetypes, I go back to the drawing board of life. Using the Vipassana meditation technique seems to have improved my outlook in these troubled times. More than anything else though my spiritual work is more about dreams now. I pay lots of attention to them and also any deep feelings or deja vus I have during the day. That is why I like to keep moving because the memories of my present return. However, the memories seem to burn out like a fuse and then they are gone. I don't really get anything from them. No answers. That is where faith comes in and practice of faith.
Remember the vow I made to not loose my cool after the Vipassana retreat? Well my pathological friend Tracy caused me to break that. There is a part of me that explodes when a critical mass of shit gets dumped on me. I don't really have any more to say about that except ooops and she deserved every bit of my wrath, in fact she got off lucky. That goes for the rest of you too.
Footnote: In Mayan astrology, I am an owl. The goal for me is to learn how to take it easy, ethically. Here is a picture of me reading the bible in a hammock.
Thanks for all your generous donations while on my pilgrimage. Bank account = 0. Now that's faith.